Grieving: What Helps and What Hurts
- jordanmuck
- 1 hour ago
- 2 min read
Scripture never treats grief as a problem to solve. It treats it as a valley where God meets His people. From Job’s ash heap (Job 2:11–13), to the Psalms of lament (Ps. 13; 42), to Jesus weeping at Lazarus’s tomb (John 11:35), God honors sorrow with His presence. Christian hope does not bypass grief; it enters it.
What Helps
Presence without pressure. Job’s friends were at their best when they sat in silence (Job 2:13). Showing up, staying, and not rushing words reflects the compassion of Christ.
Honest empathy. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). Tears shared are love embodied.
Patient love over time. Grief does not run on a timetable. God comforts us so we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received (2 Cor. 1:3–7).
Helpful phrases
“I’m so sorry. This hurts.”
“I don’t have words, but I’m here.”
“Can I check in again next week?”
Simple practices
Sit quietly.
Bring a meal weeks later, not just week one.
Remember names, dates, and stories.
What Hurts
Explaining instead of listening. Job’s friends began to harm when they tried to defend God rather than love their friend (Job 16:2).
Spiritual shortcuts. True hope does not minimize pain or rush resurrection before the cross.
Fixing language. Grief is not a lesson to complete.
Phrases to avoid
“God needed another angel.”
“At least…”
“You should be over this by now.”
A Better Way
Jesus knew resurrection was coming and still He wept. That is our model. Christian love enters grief slowly, speaks gently, and trusts that Christ Himself is near to the brokenhearted (Ps. 34:18). Hope is real, but it is patient. And love that stays is often the greatest gift we give.