Internalizing Gossip & Criticism

jordanmuck
Oct 24
3 min read

“Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you.” Ecclesiastes 7:21–22 (ESV)

It’s bound to happen. You'll overhear someone’s criticism. You’ll catch wind of a conversation you were never meant to hear. You’ll find out that someone - maybe even a friend or someone you trust - has spoken about you thoughtlessly.

In those moments, the temptation is to internalize every word, letting gossip or criticism fester like a splinter in the soul. But Scripture gives us a better way: “Do not take to heart all the things that people say.”

1. Remember: Everyone Has Spoken Thoughtlessly

Solomon reminds us why we shouldn’t take every comment personally:

“Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.” (Ecclesiastes 7:22)

We’ve all said things in moments of frustration, ignorance, or emotion that we didn’t truly mean. We’ve spoken without praying first. We’ve vented without wisdom. Remembering this humbles us and gives perspective. The person who spoke against you may not be malicious - they may simply be human, like you.

When we acknowledge our own imperfections, it becomes easier to extend grace to others.

2. Gossip and Criticism Reveal More About the Speaker Than the Subject

Jesus said,

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34)

When someone gossips or criticizes, it’s not ultimately about you - it’s about what’s in their heart. Insecure people often speak to tear others down. Hurting people often speak to deflect from their own pain.

That doesn’t excuse their sin, but it reminds us that we are not defined by their words. God alone has the authority to speak the final word over us - and His word in Christ is “forgiven, loved, and chosen.”

3. Guard Your Heart and Your Ears

Proverbs warns,

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” (Proverbs 20:19)

If we listen too closely to gossip or dwell too deeply on criticism, we invite unnecessary anxiety into our hearts. Listening is not always loving. Sometimes, wisdom means setting boundaries on what (and who) we give our attention to.

Guarding your heart isn’t about isolation - it’s about discernment. You can can love people without letting their every opinion shape your identity.

4. Respond with Grace, Not Grudge

When you hear criticism, ask yourself:

Is there any truth I can humbly learn from this?
Is this something I can release to God and move on from?

Most of the time, the best response is silence and prayer. Jesus, when falsely accused, “did not open His mouth” (Isaiah 53:7). That doesn’t mean He was weak - it means He trusted the Father to handle what others misunderstood.

Instead of replaying words in your head, pray through them:

“Lord, You know what was said. Help me to forgive as You have forgiven me. Protect my heart from bitterness. Teach me to love and trust You more.”

5. Tangible Ways to Live This Out

Pause before reacting. When you hear gossip or criticism, resist the impulse to defend yourself or lash out. Take 24 hours before responding - pray first.
Practice selective hearing. Not every opinion deserves equal weight. Prioritize what God’s Word says about you over what people say.
Guard your inputs. Avoid circles or online spaces that thrive on negativity. You become like the voices you listen to most.
Speak life instead of joining in. When someone starts to gossip, redirect the conversation: “Let’s pray for them instead.”
Affirm others publicly. Combat gossip culture by building a culture of encouragement. Praise people to their face and behind their back.
Forgive quickly. Unforgiveness keeps the wound open. Release the offender into God’s hands.

6. Fix Your Eyes on Jesus

At the cross, Jesus endured mockery, slander, and rejection - but He didn’t internalize it. Instead, He entrusted Himself to the Father who judges justly (1 Peter 2:23).

When we feel the sting of criticism or the hurt of gossip, we can look to Christ - the One who bore every unjust word for us - and rest in His sufficiency. His voice matters more than any other.

So today, choose not to internalize gossip or criticism.Choose grace over grudges.Choose peace over paranoia.Choose to live in the freedom that comes from knowing you are secure in Christ, no matter what others say.

“Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3